January 22nd, 1999

“OK, it’s another late nite thought [January 22^nd]: What if this critter, this universal marriage dish, is like, totally organic and fluid, man? (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.) What I mean is, it attains its full definition in everyone. (OK, maybe not for starters.) But let’s say, to be assumingly grandiose, that this may be the start. The definition does not exist within a single person in its entirety, nor does it exist in two. Christ exhorted the Pharisees, “In the kingdom of heaven people are neither married, nor given in marriage.” You might regard it as being the totality of such, thereby which dualistic mutual exclusivity does not really exist. So what I am considering is that in the universal, it will all be covered, when it is finished. Because of the inherent oneness, what is presently defined in one aspect, or person, actually defines the whole One. And the core definition is already mutually present, if it will accept itself. I don’t know how that’s going to happen. Given the track record so far, the bomb should burst in the unconscious and no one is going to have to be informed about it, actually. Everything so far has happened without anyone having to be told anything directly. It just remains to commit to it in one space. However, it would be good to talk to the others about the extenuating circumstances, of which they don’t have a clue, really, and let them know it really is flesh and blood. It would help a lot if they knew just what it is, cuz it is largely unknown to them at this point. (I could show you songs to demonstrate.) And when I say fluid and organic, I’m implying that once the respective definitions exist somewhere within the universal union, they have the capacity to transmit to others within it, as well as evolve and expand. No telling what it can do. Billy’s like a formula in one person that’s going to get to go places. A lot of places. Also fluid means that there will be bonds and links within the one between individuals who touch each other, that personal association will not be excluded, and these links will contribute to the total link, a form of transmission. And finally, essentially, it will only attain its true definition, universal marriage, if everyone is part of it. End of late nite thought. You know why there’s a hell? Because a union like this would commit suicide with evil in it. It cannot exist. Evil has no place in such a union. That is why this is not truly, by definition, a universal consciousness, there’s a stopgap in it. It can’t happen given the state of earth anyway, that’s for sure. But there’s something here, and it’s going to grow. And if you don’t think that this may be it, that’s fine, I’m not really concerned, because as far as I’m concerned, just believing in the potentially, or attempting to live and think in these terms, is a beginning, that will lead eventually to a true beginning. You will never learn to walk if you first don’t attempt to stand up. Without the introduction of such thought processes it will be impossible for them to evolve.”

She went to bed, and got up again:

“1:40 a.m. so it’s officially the 22^nd. I realized a night or two ago, forgot again, and then remembered, I had a vision after the trip with U2 on November 3^rd, ‘92. Frightful thing about it is I don’t know if I ever wrote this part down and at the time, believe it or not, I did not know what it meant. Pretty frightful. I mean, I do pride myself on this sort of thing, yes? Well, when it’s applied with a two by four, I do seem to miss things. I mean, what I saw was darkness. I was lying in the camper, supposedly asleep, but not really, of course, due to the acid, looking into the darkness deeper than what’s there from closing your eyes, it wasn’t murky. And there in the darkness, suspended, there was a gold ring. It was floating there for the longest time, like an hour or two. There were other items too that I can’t remember, and it might have even become two intertwined rings, but the ring had total prominence. It was there forever comparatively. Gee, you think I could have figured that one out, what it meant, but Nnooo! I was like, what on earth’s that there for? I barely even remembered it.

The ring has always been there; it’s inside my head. I’ve got it.”